...Except What Matters Most.

...):

Hi and welcome....to another 'LAUREN JOURNAL ENTRY'. Ready? Sure? Okay here we go, here we go! High ho, Silver! Awwwwwwayyyyy!!! *ridesintotheroomonaBIGBUTTEDGREYPONY* (Always wanted one of those...*)

...Yeah, I'm pretty much a freak. : D But you guys LOVE it, right? Right. I mean, you wouldn't be my friends if you weren't, right?! RIGHT?! Right, okay. So read on, my BEAUTIFUL friends,'cause these little 'love letters' are for you!

___Journal:____

So, today is my last day in San Antonio. My home. Not to be overly dramatic or anything, but I would rather shoot myself in the foot than leave now. Haha. I mean, I knew eventually I'd have to leave, to pursue my dreams, because everyone has to, don't they? But...I just didn't want it to be in my Senior year of High School when I need everyone I love the most.

Like the title says, I feel like I am leaving behind what matters most to me:

My past, and everything that is familar, a.k.a also known as my 'security blanket', and while I'm going to miss all of that, what I am going to miss the most are my friends.
Come to think of it....you know what? I can live without my 'security blankie', it's my friends I.....

...

):

*Ahem* I can't cry...I won't cry. *puffsoutcheeks*.

Well, let's see what we have in Lauren's 'Goody Bag of Love'. I wrote something for my friends, something for each of you reading this.

Let's see...let's start out with everyone I'll miss...so that's everyone...

****NOTE: I DO NOT LIST PEOPLE IN ORDER OF HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM****

I guess...I guess I'll start with my first friend at my first school.

..I don't remember who that was...so I guess I'll just do this...

...

Be warned, I sometimes confuse ';' with ',' or vice versa. So my grammar isn't amazing...I'm only 17...WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? .... Better grammar? Aha! But where would the fun be if you weren't correcting this for grammar as you read! Keepin' you sharp, my friends.

You're welcome. (Haha <3)

*

Okay, so... I wrote down all my first friends on pieces of paper and drew them out of my ski cap (Lol...not robbing any banks, don't worry....), and what follows is what came out of my head about the people I LOVE THE MOST.

(*Ahem![again]* I tried to make them as EVEN as possible, but sometimes, less is more, you
know? I mean...with some things, phrases and expressions of love can be JUST as meaningful if they come in fewer words, yes?)

'Kay. Now read. <3

/Anna:/ Anna was my friend since like...I don't even know when! I think since like 4th grade, yah?! Anyway, um...I don't think Anna liked me at first. xD But she did later! I remember lots of fun stuff....lots of it! Like in 4th grade...me and her and another girl played Frogger on the playground. A lot of stuff happened between then and the next thing, but I am picking some of the first things that come to mind, since there is very little space. Skip forward a few years, in the 8th grade...she and I liked two guys...and named them 'Tissues' and 'Napkins' (I /STILL/ WIL NOT SAY THEIR NAMES). Baha, yeah...8th grade was fun...lots of fun...But skip forward ANOTHER year! I remember the Fall Out Boy concert...so well. She, Ainslee, my sister [Lindsey] and I went to see Fall Out Boy LIVE. (Lame?! Fall Out Boy...LAME?! Psh. To only those who do NOT have good taste in music,obviously!)
Yeah...Anna is one of the people I can go to all my problems with. If I could, I would spend ALL NIGHT talking to her; she's just that much fun! She's one of the ONLY people I can talk to without getting scared and crying (like a baby!)because I'm made SO nervous, thanks, of course, to my horrid social anxiety. And, I know she TRUSTS /ME/ (How cool is THAT?) with her secrets. (Psstt! She should KNOW she can tell me anything...duh...<3) Ahaha! In addition to all that...that I just said about Anna,she knows my DARKEST secret, I mean my REALLY darkest secret, and she still loves me. :] And I love her too...'cause she's one of the best things ever. Recently, I was talking to her, and I don't know! She could just SENSE something was wrong! So, she told me to talk to her about it; I believe her exact words were, via text,'No, I loves you, what's wrong?' Anywhooo....we ended up talking for, what? 3 hours (I think...), or better yet, let's just say until she went to bed...poor sleepy Anna xD...but she said 'Good-night' first, which is something not many people do to me when they leave. Ah, refreshing! Yeah...she's one of my oldest friends and dearest friends..I love you, AnnaBananaShanana....and, don't forget, I'm the ONLY one allowed to call you that, yes? :3 Yes. That's YOUR name from me. Consider it a...I don't know what you'd call it, a 'I LOVE YOU' pet name?! Yeah...a pet name. LOL.

/Allie/: Gosh, there are no words to describe how much I love this girl. Allie has been my friend since the 5th grade! We used to hang out with her and this other girl a TON. I bet she doesn't remember this but...."FASTER, DUCKY, FASTER!!!!" I bet she doesn't remember that....but I do! Allie understands me A LOT better than most people do. A great deal of my friends can't understand what goes in my head like Allie can!^-^! Anyway, again, there were lots of great times in between then and this next memory, but I remember...gosh...9th grade SO well! Study Hall...hangin' out at the Snack Bar...listening to music on the computers. Hey, Allie! If you're reading this, do you remember when we wrote 'FRESHMAN RULE' on a SENIOR window?! I remember that...remember they BROKE IT? And how we laughed so hard at their IMMATURITY? Remember how we ALWAYS (most always, at least) spent our 4th period [Study] in Mrs. K's room doing our homework, 'cause we were bad like that! We always annoyed her...she didn't like that (What DID she like that we did?!) Things like 'the rat gummies' also come to mind! And...chopping those ashes up with my school ID like we were...lol...you know...gosh! We were bold! Oh! And! You know what ELSE I remember? One time....one thing made my life...well...I still remember it really well (:]) was when Allie and I were watching I think Vitas on the SCHOOL COMPUTERS and she was like, "Lauren, you're like my best friend." And I don't know why, but that's stuck with me...and I love her for saying that. I hope it's still true...I know she's one of my best friends still! Gah...I have SO MUCH to THANK this girl for! Thank you, lovely, for coming to stand my side and hold me tight when my dad had just died (I do believe you were one of the first people there, if not the first.) Thank you for texting me that one time 'just to see if I was okay'. Thank you for texting me 'Because my internet went out and you missed me', thank you for making me feel better about myself; you're one of the few that can anymore. Oh! And, most importantly, thank you for being you...one of my closest friends...one of my 'FAVORITE THINGS /EVER!/'....
Ahhh...I'm tearing up...SO EMOTIONAL TODAY! D: *tears of the HIGHEST amount of love and everything<3*

/Ainslee/: Hehee! Me loves me my Ainsleekins! She can act likes she hates me sometimes, but I know deep down she still cares! And you know what? I don't even know if she acts like she hates me, that's probably the little insecure Lauren rearing her ugly,self-doubting,awkward, self-loathing head. Ainslee was my friend since like...I don't know! I met her in Mrs. Inscore's class in Grade One.She was reading in the bath tub.,.not a bathtub of WATER, people! Gawd, heads out of gutters, please! Guess WHAT?! She was EVEN awesome then! Even as like...a 6 year old...I think she was 6...forgive me, Ainslee, if I'm wrong, WRONG, DEAD WRONG!! Oh well, not a big deal. I digress. I loved her EVEN THEN,but, my sister sort of stole her until 4th grade! Then she was forever my friend. Even though I kind of forced her to be at first, on account of she didn't want to sit at my table! Or something liket hat...I just remember all the great times... Like the role-playing times in Computer Class! And running from a boy that thought I was pregnant...though I don't know what....although, it wouldn't be the last time someone asked me if I was...:/ ANYWAY! I remember then in the 9th grade..again..Fall Out Boy...:3 I loved going to Hot Topic and getting those stares when we pretended to 'break up'! Or something like that. Anyhowwwwww, gosh...so many 'thank you's I want to give you, too. Thank you, my dearest, for coming to Dad's 'Viewing' and funeral; it meant the world to me for you to hold my hand and taking me in to see him. I will NEVER forget how you just like...held me really close like all good friends do to another, and hugged me tight, whispering that it would be all okay. I never forgot that, and I don't think I ever will. Oh, and thank you for the NEXT day when you reached across during the service to grab my hand, even though you couldn't really 'cause Lindsey was hogging you. xD But...thank you so much...you're a true friend. A very close, dear friend. ),: *tears of happiness and love* <3.

/M.E./: Ahh! I love her so much! I know sometimes we fought, or didn't see eye to eye, but in the end, she's still my M.E.! And when my Jack went missing, the second time, she had some really nice things to say...and they made my heart go -happy-! This is one special girl, I'm telling you. Like...I remember...my sister and I used to fight over her in the first grade. Lol. M.E., M.E., M.E.! Some of my BEST moments are with her. She's very honest and I love her for that, and she's HELLA TALENTED.(Did I just say 'hella'? Why yes, self, YOU DID!..Loser.XP)Again I stray from the point! I know I tease M.E. with SILLY THINGS sometimes (always playfully), but that's only because I love her so much...and I bother the people I love...*botherbotherbother* (WHO REMEMBER THAT?! I do! ) Okay so...here come the ' P .S.'s!( P.S.- M.E., you should know that [I bother the people I love]. P.S.S.- Can you tell me what ' P .S.S.' EVEN means? I know what ' P .S.' means, but I am STUMPED on this one! I think some idiot made it up...some lazy butt....like myself xD. P .S.S.S./S./- Okay, now I'm just making ' P .S.'s up. But, anyway, P .S.S.S.S.!: We should see an 'All Time Low' show together, since I know you like them too. Isn't Alex a BABE?! Haha...don't tell Jack I said that, mmkay? Not that he'd mind much...he knows he's 'mah main man'.) Oh well, regardless of whatever happens, I know I M.E. will be there....seriously...give that girl a RIBBON OR A SCHOLARSHIP TO HARVARD!!!!! And a dental plan at her first job as a lawyer...wait...don't lawyers AUTOMATICALLY get dental? I dunno. D: Lol, kid, thanks for being one of my closest friends.

/Nadia/: I haven't actually talked to Nadia in a long time, but all I can say is I'm going to miss her so much. She was one of my oldest friends, I believe we became extra close in like Middle School. Honestly,I feel like a TOTALLY bad friend, but I didn't NOT talk to her (I hope that made sense..) I didn't want to. I feel like, ahh, a complete IDIOT for not getting in touch with her, but it's just...ah...if you asked Allie or Anna or Ainslee or M.E., they'd probably tell you why.It's my stupid social anxiety. :/ But whatever....): All I know is that I love Nadia so much. So many great times....like all the dances we went to together, liking the same guy in 9th grade, OH OH OH! And this party of her's I went to one time. Man, you can always have fun with that girl....Eh...she may never see this, but I hope she does. <3 Girl, I have SO much to thank you for. You're an amazing friend, let me tell you. Thank you for coming to support me after my Dad...yeah..I don't wanna say it again...um...but you know...,and thank you for all you did for me. Lol, like one time! When we were graduating 8th grade (aka the first time I wore make up public), everyone was RAGGING on me for wearing it, but you stepped in and said, 'Hey. What does it matter?' Or something liket that. Ily.(P.S., Nadia, if you read this...text me? 'Cause I'm afraid that if I text you right now...it's one, 7:35 A.M., and you may not apperciate that, or two, 'cause I'm SUPAH shy right now.Seriously...ask Anna or Allie...they'll tell you D: )

/Jack/: Now, I know this boy wasn't at my first school, but I met him around Freshman year, SO HE COUNTS! And you know what? He, like my first friends, are GOLD.
Anyway, I...I don't even know where to begin with Jack. Well, I have to start somewhere, so how about with stating the obvious? Jack has been my boyfriend for the most BLISSFUL 9 months of my life. I remember when I met him...ah...you know what? It's been the VERY BEST 3 years of my life since we've met, and although he's so far away, our love is still strong. This is the man of my dreams, the kind of guy that beats every girl's fantasy man, except he doesn't beat anyone up...unless someone's mean to me or one of his friends....THEN he gets angry. I remember long nights snuggling and talking, the long letters, kisses (:3), PHIL!, and everything else that I don't have the room to name. Right now, my baby is back in the hospital, and let me tell you...I've never been more emotionally and physically sick. ): I love this man more than I could ever love another man.He is forever the light behind my eyes. <3 |Jackbaby|, I pray for you everynight. I think about you every day, every moment.

****And then I had some other great friends from my first school, but I'm not sure if they still like me...):****

****

Anyway, I moved schools after Freshman year, and I went to ANOTHER SCHOOL, which shall remained nameless. Again, these names were pulled AT RANDOM so as to not hurt feelings. :] I REFUSE TO STEP ON ANY TOES IN MY GOOD-BYE LETTERS!

Nate: Gosh, boy. You're so sweet. When I broke up with 'Kyle' (the first...I don't know...which time this was when we broke up...which one...Oh well! Doesn't matter 'cause he's HISTORY!), you were the FIRST one there. In fact, I remember you and Genesis came RUNNING up to me before English with Mister D., who by the way, didn't like our talking...xD I remember when you rubbed my back, because you KNOW that calmed me down. I remember, aw, how you asked me to the Military Ball (or something like that D, and then the Prom (or some sort of dance), like a few times, and each time I was like, "We're better off friends..." Because we are! We're awesome as friends. :] Thanks for calling me to make sure I'm okay, hun. I appreciate it....more than you know.

Genesis: Ahhh! I miss you so much! Us and our little 'scene talks'. Remember how I was gonna bring those little pretty bows for your hair, just so you could feel 'like a scene chick'?(I'm sorry I didn't have them, by the way...<3)I love how we discovered so many different things about ourselves together...I remember I was the first person you told about your new boyfriend! Haha. I miss you...and btw, MY TUMOR WAS NOT "YOUR UNBORN CHILD." :KKKK So shhh..I know it stuck out a lot. Thanks for not laughing when I told you what it REALLY was, and thanks for being concerned.

And then there were, of course, some very different friends I have/had:

Joey: My boy, my boy! My Joeyboy! I know how Paige calls you 'Joebo', but I like 'Joeyboy' better, don't you? Haha. Don't answer that; I love Paige and her nickname stealing powers (;]). I digress. Babe, thank you for holding my hand when I cried....and when Jack was in the hosptial (the VERY first time), thank you so much for being the first one to say, "Hey, girl! Snap out of it! He'll ALWAYS come back for you." Thanks for remembering my 6 Month Anniversary with Jack when no one else did...except Jack, of course. Haha...he'd GET IT if he forgot our anniversary...not really, lol. I think you and Leo are THE couple of the year. Seriously...all you've been through...from becoming friends...to dating...to getting ENGAGED! : D Ahh! I wanna go to the wedding...and throw rice at you! Haha...I love you, Joeyboy. P.S.- Thank you for the SWEETEST thing anyone has EVER written for me....I'm going to post it on here in a little bit so the WORLD can see!

Li: Ahh....the ' prince' to my ' princess'. I love how you call me 'Lauren pie' every SINGLE chance you get...('Go to bed, LAUREN PIE'; Sleep tight, LAURENPIE; Shut UP, LAURENPIE'Lol, okay...maybe not that LAST one, but you have to admit, we've had our fair share of 'squabbles'(Heehee ^_^...'squabbles'.)Let's just thank GOD they never last long! We're back to have our crazy conversations about anything and everything that comes to mind. No subject is safe! Haha....Love you, Cookie....you're 'crazy-cool-awesome-sauce-possum-with-a-crazy-straw-with-orange-juice-in-the-cup-and-cookies-on-the-side-[you can pick what kind]!'

Paige: My gosh, girl! I love you so much! You know, not many chicks anymore like me; they all think I'm this weird 'emo girl', which is weird...'cause I don't even look 'emo' anymore. But you...you saw past all of that when you first met me. Remember, you told me the first time we talked I 'made your day', and then after that, everyday it was 'Lauren, ah, once again, you've made my day!' I love you, Paigers. I love how you call me beautiful, even when I'm CLEARLY not, like in my one YIM picture with the light in the background.(Can we say 'TROLL DOLL'?!) Ahh...besides my SUPER INTENSELY AWESOME FRIENDS I MADE FIRST AT MY FIRST SCHOOL, who I, of course, LOVE LOVE LOVE <3, you're one of the only I haven't fought with. Anyway, kiddo, of COURSE, I'd stay on the phone with you all night if you needed me. What are friends for? And don't worry...I'll never die...xD Even though you think I will!

Evy: Hmmm...what do you say about a girl who is SO MUCH LIKE YOU!? Seriously. We type the same, we talk the same, we think a lot of the same things. We're not the same person, no, NEVER, but it's cool to know there's a CHICK out there who's like me. Lol...here I thought that there were only guys like me...):...'cause I'm a weird-o. Anyway, darling, thank you SO MUCH for writing me that e-mail when I was in the hospital for my “GARGANTUAN” tumor...haha…gargantuan...operation. Your e-mail...it meant a lot to me. Although, I am a little shy that EVERYONE now knows why I was in the hospital. Ah well. You were just being a sweetheart.

**

So, as you can see, I'm pretty torn up about leaving. But this is FAR from good-bye, my dears! I love each and every one of you like...LOL I was going to say 'like my own', then I remembered....you're not my children! Aha. I love you guys like no other. I can't even describe it. More than sugar-coated Power Rangers. Mhm. The red ones too.

[link].

Baha...you don't have to everyday...just often. :]

I lovers you guys.

<3 Lauren